I feel like I've been inundated lately with images of alternative relationships. Some of that is my own doing, of course – my favorite new show is HBO's "Big Love," which is about polygamous Mormon family living (where else?) in Utah. In the show, the male lead owns three houses, each occupied by a different wife. He rotates his nights between his houses – and between his wives, of course.

When you're dedicated to exploring and writing about relationships, you come across descriptions of and stories about all sorts of polyamorous relationships. And I have to admit that I am more than a little bit curious about how "the other side," lives. A big part of me finds the sort of lifestyle I see depicted in a movie like Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" or a TV show like "Big Love" appealing – and I see why it happens so often. The other side of me, however, is disturbed by the very idea.

The more exposed I am to polyamorous lifestyles, the more interested I am in answering the question: Can many people really strike a balance between variety and healthy commitment?

When I see a show like "Big Love," there is a lot for me to find appealing. The three wives share almost every element of their lives; they seem even closer than sisters. They share responsibilities and childrearing with each other the same way that they share their husband. In a way, what the wives have together is a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately, I don't have the same sense of admiration for the "husband" figure in this particular equation. In a polygamous family, it seems that the husband is generally the all-ruling patriarch. Though the women often get a say, that say goes only surface-deep. The unwavering head of the household, husband does what he likes – just watching the fictional version on TV makes all of my deep-seeded feminine ideals cry out in rebellion. And though it's cloaked in religion and duty, I think a polygamous lifestyle like that shown in "Big Love" is really only about sex and control – for the man. It's nothing I'd like to be a part of.

There are relationships, however, where men and women share freely together. It's the type of thing you heard about – or, if you're older than me, experienced – happening in hippy communes in the 60's. Or the kind of "weekend sex parties" you read about in magazines. With this lifestyle, you can have a committed romantic relationship, but sex is shared freely and you're free to have it with whomever you like. And while most of the people I know are in committed relationships (and therefore wouldn't admit it), I'm betting most of them find this sort of lifestyle intriguing – if not outright appealing. Just as I do.

For me, the conceptual problem with this kind of relationship lies with striking a balance. It is possible for most people to behave this way and still maintain their relationships as they used to? In theory, it sounds great for people to engage freely in sex – as long as they have their partner's permission. But another part of me wonders what this does to relationships – and what it does to sex. Can a polyamorous relationship be truly committed and healthy? Or does sex with multiple partners ruin it?

This is a conundrum for me…and I'd love to hear your comments about it.

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