It’s not every day a book changes your life. My brother, knowing that I’m that kind of indecisive- need to make the best decision- paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decision kinda person, recommended this book:The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less (See all Cultural Anthropology Books)

The concepts in this book are completely counter culture, completely mind blowing. At least they were for me.

Because this is a site about dating advice, and just to give you a little teaser, I’m going to share a section of the book in Chapter 11:

5. Make Your Decisions Nonreversible

Almost everybody would reather buy in a store that permits returns than in one that does not. What we don’t realize is that the very option of being allowed to change our minds seems to increase the chances that we will change our minds. When we can change our minds about decisions, we are less satisfied with them. When a decision is final, we engage in a variety of psychological processes that enhance our feelings about the choice we made relative to the alternatives. If a decision is reversible, we don’t engage these processes to the same degree.

I think the power of nonreversible decisions comes through most clearly when we think about our most important choices. A friend once told me how his minster had shocked the congregation with a sermon on marriage in which he said flatly that, yes the grass is always greener. What he meant was that, inevitably, you will encounter people who are younger, better looking, funnier, smarter, or seemingly more understanding and empatheitc than your wife or husband.

But finding a life partner is not a matter of comparison shopping and “trading up.” The only way to find happiness and stability in the presence of seemingly attractive and tempting options is to say, “I’m simply not going there. I’ve made my decision about a life partner, so this person’s empathy or that person’s looks really have nothing to do with me. I’m not in the market-end of story.” Agonizing over whether your love is “the real thing” or your sexual relationship above or below par, and wondering whether you could have done better is a prescription for misery. Knowing that you’ve made a choice that you will not reverse allows you to pour your energy into improving the relationship that you have rather than constantly second-guessing it.

And yes I know I’m starting to sound like a broken recorder…. but do it! Get married already! Marriage is wonderful wonderful wonderful. AND it is that non-reversible choice that will allow you to pour your energy into improving your relationship. If you don’t want to get married because you know the person you are with isn’t right for you… dump them! It will free you up to meet someone who is marriage material for you and free them up to meet someone who is marriage material for them.

Dating Advice From A Girl