Just had my first facial today (btw, LOVE!… new addiction!) and met the sweetest woman. She just recently got divorced and is now back in the dating scene. I got all nosy as I tend to get even with strangers, and I asked her why it didn’t work out. Her answer? The guy didn’t pay enough attention to her. Our conversation inspired me to write this post.

Guys, listen up. Maybe you’re the kind of guy who knows how to get a first date. Maybe you can secure a second date, a third date and so on. Maybe you have the looks, the charm, the wit, and those things got her attention.

Unfortunately, looks, charm and wit do not have staying power when it comes to pleasing a woman long term.

These things can be an initial hook, just as I mentioned in my last post, but there’s something more to keeping a woman happy long term.

By the way guys, this is good news! Your looks will go away eventually, and if you’re not super charming or witty, at least you know once you get over that initial stage of pursuing a woman, the most important things that she needs are things you can provide. So, here are my top three:

1. ATTENTION.

You can quote me on this:

“I think marriage exists because men have an insatiable need for sex, and women have an insatiable need for attention.”

(not saying that’s all that marriage is about, but that is a HUGE part of what it is about!)

If your woman ever starts to feel like she is not number one, meaning not your number one priority, WATCH OUT. This will breed discontentment and dissatisfaction.

And then it becomes this cycle… she feels like she’s getting less attention, so she doesn’t feel like giving sex… then he feels even less like giving her attention… and then she feels even less like giving sex….

and then eventually, BOTH parties are not getting what they NEED MOST.

How do you prevent this cycle? You BATHE her with attention. You take her out on dates. At the end of the day, you simply ask her, “Baby, is there anything on your mind? Anything you want to talk about?” You ask her how that work project is coming along, how things turned out after the big blow out she had with her bestie, and if she’s feeling stressed about anything. Ask her if she wants a massage or wants you to run any errands for her.

Basically, be concerned. Be sincerely concerned.

And you can’t be concerned unless you are actually paying attention to her needs, her emotions, her day to day drama she calls her life. Can she be a little dramatic? Yeah. Does she seem a little crazy at least once a month? Totally.

She is a woman for crying out loud. With all that (what you think is pointless drama) also comes this woman who has soo much heart to give to everyone she comes in contact with. She is a bundle of emotion which also comes with arms that nurture, a mind that intuitively knows when her gentle touch is needed or an encouraging word.

You have to accept the bad with the good when it comes to a woman. She needs to know through your words, your actions, even your tone of voice and the way you don’t roll your eyes that she is not too much for you, and at the same time, that who she is is enough. That you accept her, warts and all. In fact, you not only accept her, you adore her and cherish her.

Omg. If you don’t feel this way about the woman you’re with, DUMP HER. Let her go, so she can be free to find the man who can provide this for her. Don’t waste your time or hers. Let those goodbye tears be the last ones you’ve caused.

You may have gotten her attention with your looks, your charm, or your wit, or any combination of the three, but if she’s a wise woman, you can only keep her through your constant care, concern, and attention. THOSE things show a woman you love her. If you can meet her emotional needs, you’re going to have one happy woman.

2. PROVISION.

If you’re paying all kinds of attention to her and attending to her emotional needs and you can still tell she’s not satisfied, there are two other very important factors to keeping a woman happy. Read on. What do I mean by provision? I don’t care how “modern” your woman is, I truly believe all women would like to be in the position where she chooses if she wants to work or not. You don’t have to make buko money, but let me warn you, if SHE has to support you, she is going to lose respect for you. And sweetie, there is no love without respect.

And I’m not saying this applies to just gold diggers. I think every woman has more respect for a man who can take care of himself and provide for the needs of a family, her including. Most couples go down the road of creating a family unit. And as much as I respect the “stay at home dad,” it’s the exception to the rule. Mothers are the nurturers and the ones who are most fit to raise children. Men get a lot of their feelings of accomplishment and pride and identity from their career. Women have the hardest time leaving their babies while they go to work. Ask any new mom. She hates leaving her child. It breaks her heart. That’s just the way it is.

And because of this dynamic, men need to be good providers. Unless a couple plan to never have kids, it is important for every woman that her man can be a good provider. It’s not even that she likes to indulge in the finer things in life once in a while, (even though that’s true too) it’s that it’s instinctual for her to look out for the needs of her future offspring. Daddy needs to bring home the bacon so mommy can stay home and raise children.

Her job as a mother is an actual JOB. Harder than any 9-5 job you can ever take on. Her job doesn’t end at 5pm. It is a 24/7 job. She wears hundreds of hats from counselor, cook, therapist, driver, educator, teacher, disciplinarian, friend, wife, housekeeper, diaper changer, pet sitter… omg it’s endless. Her role is so significant because she is training your children, the people who will carry your name in the next generation, to be valuable citizens, teaching them to be producers of good, to bring honor to your name even after you’re gone.

Because of this role, every woman would love to have the option to work, not be forced to work because her man cannot support their family.

And if you’re a Christian man, know that this is your calling as a husband. (1 Timothy 5:8)

3. EXCITEMENT.

You’ve read the first two components to keeping a woman happy long term. Check and check. You are attending to her emotional needs and the bills are getting paid on time every month. She’s still not a happy camper. What else could possibly be missing?

You know what’s fun? The begginings of relationships. You get that automatic chemical high called infatuation. Everything is new, and you’re dying to get to know this person. You are so attentive to every single syllable that comes out of their mouth and you anticipate their touch. You care TOO much about making an impression and want to go out on exciting dates and spontaneous adventures. You spend countless hours on the phone and lose sleep. It’s absolutely exhilirating and absolutely temporary.

Women especially love this time, as it’s the time when the men are working their hardest and the women are treated like queens.

Men especially love the “comfortable stage” when they can fart with abandon, get away with 4th day stubble and possibly go a day without showering. They’ve worked hard to get the girl and now it’s their time to relax and enjoy the ride…

As much as women appreciate feeling like they can let their hair down, they also want to know that you aren’t done “dating” them. When every night after work is same old same old… dinner and tv until you both feel like passing out, or the guy doesn’t have any surprises on the weekends… or if the guy doesn’t even offer ideas for things they can do together but instead leaves it up to the girl to figure out what to do during their free time, or if all his ideas revolve around sports, fishing or only man-centric activities, that’s when a girl starts feeling like her love affair is turning more into a friends who f*** situation. She’s going to start feeling taken forgranted, like you’ve decided that you’re done trying to impress her and done working on the relationship.

eeek. GUYS, don’t let the excitement die! Some people ask me why I write a dating site if I’m married, and I tell them it’s because you should NEVER stop dating! This relationship you have, it can be as awesome as you want it to be, filled with memories and excitement, or it can be neglected and turn boring… And I promise, both of you are going to want out.

Repeat after me: GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.

Dating Advice From A Girl