The Brady Bunch setup, does it work in real life?

Article by Joan M. Price

So many times on single dating sites you read of the so called success stories. A lot of them make me cringe. I cringe for a lot of reasons but mainly that two consenting adults can really believe they know each other so well after six weeks that they can pack up and move in together. They usually take two to three kids each with them into this co-habitation arrangement and expect the kids to get on together like Jan and Bobby and Greg and Cindy did in the TV show the Brady Bunch!

I went out with someone for 4 months before I realized what I thought was true love and romance was a control freak that was so insecure when I was out of his sight that I had all of this loving attention bestowed upon me. Another time dating someone after several weeks we both realized that we would make better friends than anything else.

We are all on our very best behavior when we first meet someone we are attracted to and if we have been lonely we try doubly hard to be what we think they are looking for in a partner. So is it fair that in our search for true love and contentment we risk our relationships with our children?

Is it possible that over the age of 40, we can slow things down, learn to date like we did as teenagers? We can take our time in getting to know our potential partners and their children and let our children take their time in getting to know each other as well. Divorce statistics tell us that divorce rate from second marriages is a little higher than that from first marriages. In 1986, about 38 per cent of second marriages compared with about 34 per cent of first marriages ended in divorce. (refer http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/fm1/fm35facts.html). If this is the case, what are we putting our children through who have already had to deal with the separation of mum and dad?

I am a firm believer in pre-marriage counselling. If you’re not prepared to face a third party and tell them everything you know about your partner and what you share as a couple then maybe you are not so confident that you are really right for each other? What harm can it do to spend some time preparing for a second marriage rather than risk a second break-up, financial setback and the emotional pain and stress of a second divorce?

Marriage is a great institution if you go into with your eyes open, your heart open and a commitment to work hard at getting it right.

Simplify Marriage