Archive for November, 2011

The farmer is separating his farm from his parents' farm. To say this has been a summer full of drama would be a total understatement. I would say that the drama has gone from his larger family, to our little family, and now, to the economics of the farm.

This is probably where the drama should be: The Farmer is essentially starting a new business. I have always thought he would do a great job on his own and it's been fun to watch him.

He is experimenting, trying to figure out what he wants. This summer, for example, he let the pigs graze in our field of sweet corn after the season was done.

It's hard for me to understand how revolutionary this is. Knowing very little about pigs or sweet corn, it seems logical to me that the pigs are next to the field, so why not let them eat what they want? But the Farmer keeps telling me that other farmers would think he's crazy.

Then I think, "What? More crazy than you living out here with me and the kids?"

The Farmer will earn less money farming his smaller farm instead of combining it with his parents' farm. But it's a no-brainer. The pay cut is a small price to pay to get emotional independence.

To me and the Farmer it's obvious that he's making a good move for himself. Yet I see lots of other people in this situation: start over and take a pay cut or keep finances stable. The majority of people choose stability, even thought they shouldn't.

So this post is about when it's okay to take a pay cut.

If you want to change careers. Look, you are stopping doing something that you know how to do, and you are going to start doing something you have not done before. Why would you think you will not take a pay cut? Don't be a brat. Take the cut.

If you are over 40 years old. Pay peaks about age 40 for everyone except surgeons and lawyers. So if you are 40 and job hunting, take a pay cut. It's not going to kill you, but holding out for a raise might lead to fears of starvation.

If you have been unemployed for six months. Statistically speaking, you will have to take a pay cut to re-enter the workforce. So instead of holding out to be a superhero of job hunts, just take a job. So much of our self-worth comes from working that ditching unemployment far outweighs avoiding a pay cut.

If you're relocating back to family. Research from Nattavudh Powdthavee of the University of London shows that to make up for the decrease in happiness that you experience when you leave family and friends, you would need to make 3,000 more than you were earning before the relocation. So it stands to reason that you can take a substantial pay cut to move closer to family and still gain a net happiness benefit because close relationships are so important to one's happiness.

If you will get a great boss. When it comes to the job hunt, getting a boss who will be a great mentor matters more than the job you'll be doing for that boss. The number-one factor that determines your earning power is your schooling. The number-two factor is the quality of mentoring you get. Since most of you are out of school, mentoring should be your number-one concern, and you'll more than make up for a pay cut by gaining a good mentor.

If you are having mental health problems from not working. Work provides a lot of things:  a sense of belonging, sense of purpose, structure and balance to a day, as well as financial security. You can get all these things by short-circuiting your job hunt and taking a lower-paying job. Wondering if you are having problems big enough to qualify for this one? Are you gaining weight during unemployment? That's a sign that you're masking new emotional problems. Get a job.

If you need better insurance. Taking a pay cut to get better insurance is like buying peace of mind. And at a bargain rate, really. If all you need to do is take a pay cut to know that you will not go bankrupt from medical bills (the most common cause of bankruptcy, by the way) then it's worth it. Also, I often contemplate becoming a customer service rep at Microsoft so I can get to their amazing health coverage for kids with Autism. (Asperger's is genetic, and Microsoft knows their employee pool, you've gotta give them that.)

Okay. Look. Can you tell by now that a pay cut is always fine? Really, the only exception would be when you have a job you love. Because we are all looking for a career that provides stability, engagement and a way to support us financially, and often that comes in the form of a pay cut.

You are not your salary. You are not worth less in the world because you are paid less in your job. Get your self-worth from a wide range of things and a pay cut won't matter to you. Focus on the components of a good job: learning, personal growth, friends at work, and a good family life. All those things are worth a lot more than a pay cut.

 

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Many couples are attracted to the allure of the ocean and choose to experience a beach-side wedding and reception. The beach for some creates a relaxed wedding ceremony atmosphere while for others it creates a gorgeous backdrop to a far more sophisticated affair. Incorporating the personality of the wedding with the beach theme will take some effort, and one aspect of this involves choosing beach wedding favours. This may seem like a minor detail, but it is a detail which has served as a hang-up for many brides. Here are some ways to get you started:

Candles

Candles are always any crowd-pleaser, and they are recommended to use as beach wedding favours. The fact is we now have so many different as well as unique shapes, sizes, and colors of beach-themed candles that it must be often completely easy to locate a great gift when a person narrow your search efforts right down to candles. You can consider shaped candles, candles with seashells or maybe other unique items placed on the inside of them, votive candles that have got beach-themed candle holder, or even those candles that contain a beach-type of aroma thus to their scent.

Soaps

Who doesn’t use detergent? When you consider tiny hand soaps as beach wedding favours, you are giving a present that most will really like. Just as with candle lights, there are so many different types of soaps available, and these may be those in the special sea shell design, those that have a beach scent in their mind, or something similar. You can also take into account gifting a beach-themed soap dish likewise. You don’t have to feel limited by hand soaps, though, as you can take into account liquid soaps, body soaps, and more. Stepping beyond this, hand cream, and air fresheners with a beach scent can function great, too.

Bottle Openers

If you and your partner love wine, as many couples complete, a bottle opener generally is a great idea. There are some beach wedding favours that include beach-themed bottle openers. These can serve a dual purpose on your wedding by allowing you to give a useful yet meaningful gift on your recipients. For a more high-end wedding or if your budget allows, you can even take into account gifting engraved wine glasses or a personalized wine with the bottle opener, too.

Luggage Tags

Luggage tags are recommended for beach wedding favours for so many reasons. First, you can find these people in great shapes, colors, and styles that match the theme of the wedding perfectly. Second, they can double while place card holders on your reception tables, so you can minimize out the added cost that comes with buying separate place minute card holders. Finally, they are a functional gift many will use. In fact, if your wedding is really a destination wedding at a beach resort not even close to home, this is a two times as meaningful gift because your recipients will use it on the return trip time for their homes. The initial concept regarding finding beach-themed party favours often have seemed daunting, but as you can see, there really are many fabulous ideas to take into account.

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    This post is sponsored by the American Cancer Society.

    Take a look at Steve Martin's business card. I love it because it brings to light the lack of meaning we often feel during the daily routine of work life.

    When I was new to the workforce, I saw two ends of a spectrum. On one end, risking one's life to save dying children, and on the other end, hedge-fund banking to make millions.

    If you see the work world that way, then you feel compelled to choose between making good money or doing good deeds. But at this point, I don’t think the world breaks down like that. I think all jobs are meaningful.

    1. Meaningfulness comes from relationships.
    My introduction to this way of thinking was Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research about happiness and work (compiled into a book I like: The How of Happiness.) She found that janitors are happier than lawyers and the discrepancy arises from the amount of meaningfulness they perceived in their work.

    The janitors felt that they were helping people by keeping the school running well. They knew the students and the teachers and they had a nice relationship with them: people asked for help, the janitor gave help, the person thanked the janitor.

    With the lawyers, it’s the opposite. People hate having to ask a lawyer for help. They want the lawyer to solve their problems, but in general, you only call a lawyer when you have a problem you will not be able to get out of without one. So the lawyer can’t really make people feel good. On top of that, a lawyer charges by the hour so there is almost never a thank you in exchange for a small piece of work. (More rationale for ditching your dreams of law school.)

    2. Meaningfulness comes from feeling some control.
    Having control over one’s job and an ability to make a difference — through meeting goals, saving lives, solving problems — is what enables people to enjoy their work, according to research published in The Economist. The prestige of the given job is not nearly as important as being able to have an effect. If jobs are not challenging enough, then people are not happy because they don’t have a feeling of affecting someone else. People like being part of a group, they like being able to contribute.

    Relative to the rest of life, work is predictable. Kids are totally unpredictable, health is unpredictable, friends and family are wild cards, but there are rules for work that people follow. Those generally accepted rules are what makes work a safe place to be.

    3. Management creates meaning
    The relationship between a boss and an employee should be very meaningful. Good management is actually about being nice. A manager’s job is to make people shine, to show them they can do more than they ever imagined and to make employees excited to come to work. Management’s job is to create meaningful work.

    In the same vein, an employee’s job is to make their boss’s life better. Whatever you were hired for, whatever that job description said, the bottom line is that you are there to solve your boss’s problems. You will feel good at work if you are making your boss happy–it’s a symbiotic relationship.

    4. Creating meaning yourself is empowering.
    To be clear, a job does not give your life meaning. How you treat people and how you relate to communities and society is where you get your meaning. Work is just a great platform to create that meaning. You can choose whether or not you make your work meaningful. You can wait for someone else to magically anoint your job with meaning. But you will be waiting a long time. Instead, make work meaningful yourself. It’s an act of freedom, taking your life into your own hands.  

    5. Look for opportunities.
    My step-mom had cancer for more than a decade. She had a breast removed, she went into remission, then back to the hospital, then remission. At first I thought her life was becoming crazy and how could she cope? But then I saw that the best thing for her was that she kept going to work. The stability in her life was her job. She couldn’t control the cancer, or the treatments, or her energy, but she could control her workload and she could meet her goals when she was there.

    When she couldn’t be at the office, her co-workers took over her workload so her job would be there for her when she returned. Every time.

    When an office comes together to support someone in crisis the whole office is infused with meaning. The strength they gave my step-mom by enabling her to come to work, in turn gave strength to the family members trying to help take care of her.

    Work has meaning because it provides stability in our lives, and we create meaning by helping co-workers to use that stability to be brave and strong in the rest of life.

    Look around you, all the time–look for people at work who need help with their work.  Caring for your co-workers might be the most meaningful part of work for all of us.



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    It really can end up being difficult to plan your own wedding. There are so many big decisions to produce, from which dress to buy to what type of flowers to have with your bouquet, but the decision that actually throws most brides to get a loop is what type of parting gift to give their friends as a thank you gift for their attendance and support. If you are stuck for this important detail of your wedding and reception preparation, here some wedding party favor ideas to obtain those creative juices flowing.

    Themed Wedding

    If you are using a themed wedding, you do want to take into account wedding party favor ideas that go along with that theme. The favors are an extension with the wedding and reception, and every detail must incorporate that theme in some way. That being said, though, you do not have to cast aside traditional alternatives. For example, if you have using a beach- or football-themed party, you can consider traditional stuff like picture frames or candles that incorporate these styles.

    Homemade Gifts

    If you or your partner has a special expertise, such as woodworking, baking, painting, poetry, or something similar, you can use your skill to generate a homemade favor. Wedding party favor ideasneed not be store bought, or you can incorporate a store bought-item with a homemade item for that personal touch. For instance, you can put the beach-themed poem on tropical-style scroll document, and place this inside of a canister, vase, or other small items you see online that match your own theme.

    D©cor

    Many couples love wedding party favor ideas in which incorporate home d©cor in certain fashion, and this is because these gifts really are useful and practical. You may approach buying such gifts in the standpoint of wanting to please everyone, but this will be unattainable. So instead, you should approach this as giving an file format of yourself and finding something you like. Keep in mind the gift should remind the recipient of you plus your big wedding day, so it should capture some element of who you are rather than who they are.

    ‘Tis the Season

    You can also think about the season of the wedding for wedding party favor ideas. For instance, if you are using a winter wedding, you can consider paying for gourmet apple cider or hot cocoa packets as well as gifting a mug that is themed or that commemorates your special day in some other way. These, of course, are just a few different areas you can consider as you purchase your favors. It can help you to find the perfect favors by simply narrowing down a certain type of gift that you are searching for, so consider these different suggestions for get you started off inside right direction. This is a large decision, but it can also be considered a fun decision because it allows you to put a little touch of your creativity, thought, and maybe even talents engrossed as well.

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      We’re two weeks away from the December LSAT. This is make it or break it time. If you aren’t hitting in the range where you need to be hitting, you might want to consider waiting and taking the February or June LSAT and applying early in the next admission cycle rather than late in this…



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        Pink Ask a Question How many of you are engaged to someone who has already been married  or have you yourself  The Critical Planning Stage after Popping the QuestionSo you are engaged!  Congratulations!  But as the excitement and the adrenalin rush wears off, and the family and friends who have been so enthusiastic with your news go back to their daily lives, it’s time to start thinking about things to do after getting engaged.  There’s a wedding that needs to be planned!

        The decision to become engaged has with it its own responsibilities.  Two people have made a decision that they wish to commit to each other and begin a life together.  It may be that they are already very much sharing a life together, but they wish to show their commitment through the act of marriage.  Whichever category you fall into, the planning of a wedding will be a stressful time.

        The reason for the stress is that you will find yourself dealing with a range of people, some of whom you will have never had the need for in the past.  And, you won’t be planning on needing them again!  This is to be a one-off affair, and you want it to be perfect.  So, yes, there is good reason for finding wedding planning a stressful time.

        The best way to prepare for a wedding, is to come up with a strategy.  And the best strategy for organising a wedding with the least stress is to include a step-by-step list of things to do.  A timeline makes a huge difference as it is often easy to focus on the ‘fun’ parts of the preparation – dress buying, and table settings.  But the nitty gritty like guest lists and food menus is as important to making the day a great success for you and those who will join you in this celebration.

        With the timeline firmly in view, then, the first step is to set a date for your wedding.  Once you have done this you can begin to work through your list of ‘things to do’ in a prioritised and logical order.  With a date for the wedding, the venue can then be sought.  The venue sought will take into account the type of wedding you are wanting.  Is it formal?  Is it casual?  How many guests do you anticipate inviting.  This is not the time to become sidetracked with guest lists, per se.  But when you are choosing your wedding venue you will need to take account of numbers to be catered for.  If the venue itself is non-negotiable for you, then obviously you will curb your guest list to meet the facilities that are available at it.  But whatever the guest list, the confirming of a venue for the date of your wedding must be your first priority.

        Having done this, you may find that you are offered assistance by the wedding venue itself.  Some venues will provide menus and table setting samples which they are able to provide.  If these fit your own criteria, then obviously they are steps on your time zone which you will be able to sweep over gently.  However, remember, this is your special day and all steps must be included in your strategy, even if they are being delegated elsewhere.  You will still need to check that everything is on time and on schedule.  But, with the strategy in place, the things to do after your engagement should be able to broken down into the things other people can do for you, ie delegate!, and the things that you want to do because after all it is your day …


        Simplify Marriage

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        An increasing number of law schools are asking you to address your reasons for attending law school, and their law school in particular, as part of your personal statement or in an optional essay. After all, my recent survey of 100 law school applicants showed that 39% felt they “knew…



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        My homeschool blog is mentioned in the New York Times. It's a small mention, but it's a big deal for me, because lately I've been obsessed with how people learn, and what makes a successful adult. It's appropriate that the Times would link the day I wrote about what my day is like trying to homeschool and work full-time. It's a colossal mess, really. But it's a work in progress.

        When things got really bad — me trying to do everything, and me having marriage trouble — Melissa said, "You need a vacation." So the boys and Melissa and I went to Hermosa Beach. We stayed at a hotel called The Beach House. It's right on the ocean, and it's in front of volleyball courts I used to play on when I was on the pro circuit and too poor to stay in hotels as nice as this one.

        I thought the best part of the vacation would be the hotel. It's dreamy – with a perfect balcony and a fireplace, and soft thick towels that I never had to wash.

        But it turned out that the best part was watching the kids learn. The hotel was the facilitator.

        The first thing the kids did was line up their Pokemon everywhere so the place felt like home.

        Then we went to the ocean. I taught them about the undertow, and the way the water rises when a wave comes. And I told them that one kid dies every day in the dangers of the ocean. I made up the statistic, but I think it must be true, in some way.

        I had this idea that I was not going to go in the water. I had this idea that the kids would be intimidated by the waves. But every time they got knocked over, they loved the waves more. And then I found, so did I.

        When people talk about their job, they are really talking about their learning. When we say, "What do you do?" we really mean what do you learn? Because that's what makes a person interesting – what they are learning. No one wants to answer the question what do you do if they have a job where they  are not learning. That's how you know it's the learning that matters.

        I've noticed that when I coach people, they are really looking for a job that will allow them to learn in the area they are most suited to learn. So, for example, an ENTJ (me) learns best while leading people. And an INFP learns best by talking one-on-one to other people. An ISTP (the Farmer) learns best using their hands. (Wondering what your personality type is? Take this free test.)

        I'm also fascinated by the impact our surroundings have on our ability to learn. So often people blame their surroundings for the fact that they are not learning, and in this case, I think the calm, peaceful surroundings made us our best learning selves. That night, Melissa edited photos, and I sorted links to research I like, and the boys read themselves to sleep, sand still spilling from their hair.

        The next morning, the kids took ownership of the vacation. I thought we should go back to the beach. "We are never at the beach," I told the kids. But my youngest son noticed the bike rental place next door to the hotel. There is such great research about how if you leave kids alone, they will learn what is best for them to learn right at that moment. And I realized, I was seeing that research in action, right now, so I gave up on my idea of going to the beach.

        We moved to the farm at the time in my son's life when he would have learned to ride a two-wheeler. But we have no roads to ride on at the farm. So he learned on the boardwalk in front of our hotel.

        He fell 100 times.

        It was amazing to watch him get back up on the bike, over and over again. It was also amazing to watch people watch him. People passing said, "Pedal! Pedal! That's it!" And when he gathered some speed, people clapped and cheered.

        We all love to learn and we love to watch it. We just have to find our best spot to do it. If you don't know what job you should do next, ask yourself what you'd like to learn next. And if you don't know that, ask yourself how you feel most comfortable learning.

        You were born knowing what you'd like to learn at any given moment. When you get stuck, it's the shoulds that hold you back — what you should be when you grow up, what you should earn, what potential you should fill — all the shoulds get in the way of you being who you really are.

        We are all bike riders falling 100 times in a day.

         

        Penelope Trunk Blog

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        Pink Ask a Question How many of you are engaged to someone who has already been married  or have you yourself  The Critical Planning Stage after Popping the QuestionSo you are engaged!  Congratulations!  But as the excitement and the adrenalin rush wears off, and the family and friends who have been so enthusiastic with your news go back to their daily lives, it’s time to start thinking about things to do after getting engaged.  There’s a wedding that needs to be planned!

        The decision to become engaged has with it its own responsibilities.  Two people have made a decision that they wish to commit to each other and begin a life together.  It may be that they are already very much sharing a life together, but they wish to show their commitment through the act of marriage.  Whichever category you fall into, the planning of a wedding will be a stressful time.

        The reason for the stress is that you will find yourself dealing with a range of people, some of whom you will have never had the need for in the past.  And, you won’t be planning on needing them again!  This is to be a one-off affair, and you want it to be perfect.  So, yes, there is good reason for finding wedding planning a stressful time.

        The best way to prepare for a wedding, is to come up with a strategy.  And the best strategy for organising a wedding with the least stress is to include a step-by-step list of things to do.  A timeline makes a huge difference as it is often easy to focus on the ‘fun’ parts of the preparation – dress buying, and table settings.  But the nitty gritty like guest lists and food menus is as important to making the day a great success for you and those who will join you in this celebration.

        With the timeline firmly in view, then, the first step is to set a date for your wedding.  Once you have done this you can begin to work through your list of ‘things to do’ in a prioritised and logical order.  With a date for the wedding, the venue can then be sought.  The venue sought will take into account the type of wedding you are wanting.  Is it formal?  Is it casual?  How many guests do you anticipate inviting.  This is not the time to become sidetracked with guest lists, per se.  But when you are choosing your wedding venue you will need to take account of numbers to be catered for.  If the venue itself is non-negotiable for you, then obviously you will curb your guest list to meet the facilities that are available at it.  But whatever the guest list, the confirming of a venue for the date of your wedding must be your first priority.

        Having done this, you may find that you are offered assistance by the wedding venue itself.  Some venues will provide menus and table setting samples which they are able to provide.  If these fit your own criteria, then obviously they are steps on your time zone which you will be able to sweep over gently.  However, remember, this is your special day and all steps must be included in your strategy, even if they are being delegated elsewhere.  You will still need to check that everything is on time and on schedule.  But, with the strategy in place, the things to do after your engagement should be able to broken down into the things other people can do for you, ie delegate!, and the things that you want to do because after all it is your day …


        Simplify Marriage

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