A while back, someone was interviewing me and asked me if I’ve tried yoga.
Right now a zillion people are thinking I’m writing about them. Because so many people, in the middle of an interview, decide they need to recommend to me that I do yoga.
The person tells me that yoga changed their life and they think it would help my life.
So I say that I have been practicing Ashtanga yoga for fifteen years.
This shuts the person up. Because I am, invariably, much more studly about yoga than the person telling me that I should do yoga because they do it.
So they say, invariably, “Oh. I don’t read about it on your blog. Why don’t you write about it?”
But in general, yoga is a topic you should never write about. Because telling someone how your life is great because you are so disciplined to put your leg behind your head every morning is just not interesting. People don’t want to hear about how great you are and how you’re the most healthy person around. Anyway, truly healthy people do not feel compelled to tell the world about how healthy they are.
Not every morning. I mean, I don’t do it every morning. Although every morning that I don’t do it I hate myself for not doing it.
Self-hatred is an interesting topic. Which is why I writeabout ita lot. The mornings where I wake up and roll into downward dog: not interesting.
It’s the same reason that good sex is not interesting. Everyone has good sex the same way. You have sex with a long-term partner who loves you, you do it so many times that you can each have a nice orgasm every time. No big surprises. No disappointments. Probably a little more fat each year but that’s the only change.
Bad sex. That's interesting. Sex with someone who doesn’t give a shit about you: scintillating. Because the dichotomy between pretending to be close and not actually being close is emotionally scratchy to the reader.
Why do people insist on writing about how great they are? This is not interesting. You know this from going to cocktail parties. If you only talk about why you’re great no one will want to talk to you.
Do you know what people really like to read? Cynical analysis about news items. Here’s one: The Forte Foundation reports that among people younger than 25, more women than men take the GMAT. This means that it’s official that an MBA is useless. Because anything in the workplace that has more men than women is low-paying and totally uncool. This also makes sense, because as women are finally getting their certification for business smarts, it is more fashionable to do a startup where the world rewards you for trying to do business with no qualifications beyond a good idea and a 100-hour workweek.
See. If you want to be interesting, talk about stuff like that.
You also need to be useful, though. The majority of blog posts that I throw out are garbage because they are fun but not useful. If people want only fun, they go to Disney World. People read a blog to have fun AND learn something.
Young people are great at having new experiences. But as we age, we lose our drive to try new things. And this is bad. The magic formula for trying something new is doing something difficult, according to science writer Winifred Gallagher, author of the book, New: Understanding Our Need for Novelty and Change. Gallagher is not writing about trying new food at an expensive restaurant. The need for novelty means taking tons of cooking classes and learning to cook the new food yourself. That’s much more difficult. The wellbeing you get from doing something new comes not from the newness but from the difficulty.
Similarly, you should not visit a farm you should move to one. Hence the pig photos in this post.
Melissa visited and took a million pig pictures and I love the little pigs so much that I am sneaking in a post full of photos. But they fit here because the farm is difficult for me. And so is figuring out how to put photos in every post. Melissa jokes with me that every time I can't figure out how to do a photo in a post, I add a pig.
This is why you should not take advice from people who write about doing yoga. You should take advice from people who write about NOT doing yoga. Because not doing yoga means the person is struggling to do yoga, which means waking up every day and trying to do something new and difficult. Someone who tells you about how great they are and how they have already figured everything out—those are people with a low sense of wellbeing because they are too invested in looking like their life is in order. They can’t do anything difficult because they don’t want to fail in front of you.
But failing in front of you is a sign that the person is living the kind of life you’d like to live – one where every day you wake up and struggle to do something difficult. That you have not done before.
It’s hard to know who to take advice from. But my instinct tells me that the best advice comes from the people with the most difficulties. Not in the past. But right now. Because that’s where you want to be: doing something difficult right this moment.
It would be to understand the disease of “Oneitis” and go through the steps to cure it.
What is Oneitis?
Oneitis, as some dating coaches have called it, is the tendency for single men to fall head over heels with a woman without first prequalifying her and securing exclusivity.
It comes from the root word “one” as in a guy is obsessed about one girl. He likes one girl too much and usually for no good reason except she’s cute! This causes the guy to not be his best self, which is his authentic self, and in turn makes him too needy. He is basically idolizing her.
It is the nice guy disease. Simply put, it is liking one girl WAYYYY toooo much, before you get to know her or before you become an item.
Men with oneitis give off a needy, desperate vibe. Oneitis makes a man unnecessarily nervous. You stop being yourself because you like her so much and don’t want to risk losing her. You stop taking risks because you don’t want to risk losing her. The problem is you should be taking more risks.
You have to nip oneitis in the bud ASAP, as it will GREATLY inhibit your ability to attract a woman.
My brother had oneitis in college. He would think about a girl a lot. In his mind he thought how much he liked her would be directly proportional to how much she would like him back. The thing is, thinking about a girl so much won’t bring you more success. It will actually hinder your success… Only action and pursuit will bring you success.
The Rule of Sequence
You see, life has a way of making things easy or difficult for you based on if you follow what I call, The Rule of Sequence.
For example, a woman who follows the ideal “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage,” will probably run into less drama, less risk, and greater happiness and security than if she were to change the sequence of events. If she were to do baby then marriage and then expect for love to fall right into place, there’s just no guarantee that it will.
The Rule of Sequence as applied to dating scenarios ideally goes in this order:
First comes attraction, then comes prequalifying, then comes exclusivity, then comes love.
This ideal scenario and sequence of events looks like this:
1. A man finds a woman attractive.
He doesn’t start liking her or obsessing over her or assuming she is an amazing person just because she’s beautiful. He has yet to find that out, so he’s not really that nervous. He doesn’t have much to lose if she rejects him because he doesn’t even know anything about her except that she’s good looking. He understands that attraction is not all there is in having a great woman. She has to be honest and have integrity, she has to be warm and tender, she has to be unselfish and think of others and not just herself. Those are just some things he’s looking for.
2. A man sets out to prequalify the woman.
So, instead of missing his opportunity to get the ball rolling, instead of going home and deliberating his plan of action or talking to all his buddies about this hot new girl, he doesn’t waste any time thinking about her. He goes straight into action. He does this because he doesn’t want to psyche himself out. He’s just going to approach her. So he approaches her and is able to be himself because he’s not begging for her attention. This next phase, the “prequalifying” phase is important to him because without her meeting these other qualities, she loses her attractiveness. This is how the conversation goes:
“Hi, I’m Zach, what’s your name?”
“Cynthia,” she says.
“That’s a beautiful name. Mind if I join you?”
“Sure.” (no enthusiasm)
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Yeah, why not.”
“I’ve never seen you here before. Believe me, if I had seen you before, I would’ve remembered… AND this wouldn’t have been our first meeting.”
She smiles.
“So, what do you do?”
“I’m a real estate attorney….”
You see, Zach’s conversation flows, he’s talking to her like you would talk to a stranger at a party. He’ll throw in a couple compliments to make sure she knows he’s interested in her romantically if the appraoch and the asking to buy her a drink don’t spell it out. Other than that, he’s just getting to know her like a new buddy you’d meet at a party. Trying to find connections. Trying to see where the mutual interests lie. He’s comfortable. He’s not going to ask her out if he senses any red flags. He’s discerning. He’s using this time, not to convince her of anything just yet, as he’s not convinced yet himself. He is using this valuable time to “prequalify,” or basically get to know her just a little bit to see if he wants to take her out on a date.
This is the step most guys miss or wait too long to do (the longer they wait, the more nervous they will be)
3. A man sets out to date her exclusively.
Once Zach has the feeling that this woman is not only beautiful but there are no red flags and he still wants to get to know her more, Zach will take her out on several dates. After several dates, if Zach feels like he only wants to see her and doesn’t want her to see anyone else as well, he will bring up exclusivity, saying,
“Cynthia. I really enjoy your company and I want to take it to the next step. I don’t want to see anybody else. I just want to be with you.”
He doesn’t ask her. He just states his desire and waits for her reaction. This is a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to state it.
4. A man is free to be obsessed and fall in love.
After a man has secured exclusivity, then and only then does he actually “fall in love” with her. Then and only then does he verbalize his love. Why fall in love with someone who isn’t committed to only see you? That doesn’t make any sense. Sure, he likes her a lot, but he’s withholding all that really mushy, gushy, sappy stuff until he has the safety net of exclusivity. He doesn’t tell her he’s “crazy about her” on their third date. He doesn’t want to scare her off. If she agrees she wants to be exclusive, that means she’s ready to hear the sappy stuff. She’s ready for you to let out all your obsessive feelings for her. But until then, a man shouldn’t fall in love with a woman… or if he is falling in love with her, he shouldn’t verbalize it until he has secured exclusivity.
What Happens When You Don’t Follow the Rule of Sequence
Instead of following this ideal sequence of dating rituals, many men with oneitis find themselves doing it out of order. They do attraction and then fall right into love… It ends there for many guys. If it goes any further, they do exclusivity, then maybe they qualify once they are already in a relationship. You’ll find guys in relationships who’ve done it in this order thinking, How did I end up with this crazy bitch? And the answer to that is because you weren’t discerning when you were trying to pursue her. You were too busy trying to convince her to be with you that you forgot to evaluate if she was actually a good person.
What a Guy with Oneitis Does
Here’s how it happens. A guy sees a hot girl, and the minute he sees her, he is mystified and starts thinking things like, Omg, she is my dream girl! He watches her from a far, taking note of her every little cute movement and has convinced himself that he must have her. Weeks have probably gone by where all he does is think about her and think about what he should say; he wonders what kinds of things she does after work, and basically, before he even has a chance to meet her, he is already obsessed and putting all his eggs in this one basket. By the time he actually makes “the move,” he has built her up so big in his mind that he’s bound to be nervous and insecure. He is bracing himself for this BIG POSSIBLE REJECTION, that because of the big build up, is going to feel like a UFC fighter knocked him in the jaw…
And ultimately, that’s usually what happens. He goes up to her and is all a bundle of nerves and she’s thinking, What’s this guy’s deal? He’s a bit strange.
Or, oneitis can happen to a guy who is attracted to a girl but instead of pursuing her right away, he lands himself in the friend zone. That happens to Tom in 500 Days of Summer.
If you want to see a guy who clearly has oneitis, watch that movie.
What a Guy Without Oneitis Does
The guy who doesn’t have oneitis is the guy who gets the girls. Here’s how he does it:
Hmm, there’s a hot chick. I’ll go talk to her. As they’re talking, he realizes, Wow, she’s really into herself. Then she taps her friend next to her, points to a woman across the room and they start gossiping. At that point he’s thinking, And she’s really catty. Not cute. Finally someone says something and she starts talking about her ex in gory detail. That’s the last straw for this guy. He’s outta there. He realizes Wow, and she’s kinda jaded and bitter about her ex.
You see, he follows the Rule of Sequence. He is attracted to a woman, but instead of holding back and falling in love with her from afar, he actually makes a move right then and there. He doesn’t go home and plan his course of action. He doesn’t talk to his buddies about her or try to psychoanalyze her from a far. This is because he understands attraction is just attraction. He needs and wants more than just a pretty face. So he approaches her.
He approaches her, not to beg her to go out with him, but to get to know if there’s more to this woman than just a pretty face.
This is what I mean by “prequalifying.” She doesn’t automatically get the green light just because she’s beautiful.
Instead of just accepting her just because she’s beautiful, he talks to her and tries to get to know her. As he’s interacting with her, he’s being discerning, watching out for red flags, getting to know if this woman is as beautiful inside as she is on the outside.
At this point there is no “love,” no “obsession,” because the woman has yet to prove that she is a good catch. Why waste any time giving her space in his mind or his heart if she’s not even worthy of being there?
All the while, the woman he is interested in senses this vibe that she’s not just getting by on her good looks. She also senses that this man is in it for more than just her beauty. This intrigues her. He appears confident because he’s not begging for her attention. He gets extra points for being inquisitive and attentive. All around everyone wins.
Okay, are you convinced that oneitis is bad news??? Below are 10 signs that you have this disease.
10 Signs You Have Oneitis
You worry too much about what that hot chick will think of you.
You come across as nervous, needy, or clingy.
In your mind your thought process is, If I don’t have her, then my whole world will crash down.
You have an unhealthy romantic fixation, obsession with a woman you are not in a relationship with yet.
You “like” her before you even get to know her. Women sense your “need” for them more than your “desire.”
You think about her more than you actually talk to her.
You talk to your friends about her more than you actually talk to her.
You forget to actually do the “prequalifying” stage. It’s just attraction… then love. You put too much weight on attraction.
You meet a hot girl and automatically become intimidated by her beauty.
You’ve dated women just because they were beautiful even if they treated you terribly.
Remember guys, beauty is just beauty. That’s all it is. Some women are born with it naturally, some work hard at it. All women know that it is powerful. I remember one guy saying, “Why are all hot women bitches?” Maybe there wouldn’t be so many hot bitches if guys spent more time prequalifying women instead of automatically deeming them valuable and worthy of their attention merely because of their looks.
My next post will deal with the “cure.” Hurrah! There’s a remedy for this disease! Subscribe for free to get notification whenever I publish that post.
Men, do you identify with these symptoms? Women, have you ever had experience with a man who had oneitis? What was your reaction?
If you want private, personal advice on your specific situation, I offer email and phone consultations. Click here to learn more.
When I had my second son, I had a nervous breakdown. I’m not sure exactly what the cause was. But things were bad. I had a three-year-old with autism, a baby with a facial deformity that required a team of ten different types of doctors, and no family helping me, and I didn’t take maternity leave.
This is what happened: I put a knife in my head. It’s a weird thing about the knife. A knife can’t get very far in one’s head. The head is protected. But there was enough blood that my husband and I decided I needed to go to the emergency room.
I took the baby with me. That’s what I called him: The baby. He was very new, and I was having trouble bonding. So I never let him out of my sight in the hope that physical proximity would promote emotional closeness.
The hospital in Brooklyn was well versed in post-partum depression. There was no wait to get into the emergency room. There was a social worker waiting for me next to a bed in a little room formed by large curtains on three sides.
We talked about the possibility of going to the mental ward. “You need a break,“ she said. “You need some support.”
“Okay,” I said. Because I realized, when she said that, that I did want a break. Then I said, “I’ll take the baby with me.”
“You can’t. Can you leave him with a family member?”
“I have to breastfeed or I’ll lose my milk.”
She said, “You can pump.”
“No. I need to keep the baby. I need to bond. Look at his face. He’s deformed.”
She looked.
Then the social worker left. She came back with another social worker.
The new social worker asked me how I am feeling.
I took this to mean that she was going to tell me something bad. People do not ask you how you’re feeling if you are feeling bad unless they are about to make you feel worse.
She said, “We can’t have a baby in the mental ward. It’s not safe. It’s not set up for babies.”
I didn’t just cry. I started convulsing. I think it was the fact that I thought I was about to get help and rest and now it seemed like I could have nothing.
The first social worker stayed. The second social worker left. The first social worker said things to me to reassure me that the second social worker was negotiating.
The baby was asleep in my lap. I sat cross-legged on the bed, starring at the wall for maybe an hour. Or ten minutes. Time was irrelevant at that point in my life because I had no idea where I was or where I was going or what I was doing. I was just trying to keep my kids safe, minute to minute.
The social worker came back and told me that they decided they would not admit me to the hospital, because then they would have to give me a room in the mental ward. Instead they would keep me in the emergency room. Right here. For as long as they thought I needed help to be safe.
I laid back and went to sleep.
I woke up to the baby crying and the social worker right there, next to me.
Days passed.
The hospital helped me make a plan. They told me I was probably not safe to be alone with the baby for at least a month.
I used a credit card to pay a nanny agency to be in the house all the time while my husband took my other son to 40 hours of therapy a week. This was not a good time in our lives. Our credit never recovered.
Here’s how this matters for your resume:
Ask me if I went to the mental ward. Is the answer yes or no?
I could say no. That would be, technically true. But the answer you are looking for really would be the answer to the question: did you ever have a breakdown that required serious help at the hospital level? And the answer to that would be yes. So I could answer yes or no to that question, and both answers would be true. It would be hard to call me a liar either way.
So it’s fair that I give the answer that is best for me in the situation I’m in. Life is messy and it is not black and white. There is no single, correct story about your life. Because each moment, in each person’s life, has multiple versions, all true.
The biggest problem people have when they are changing careers, or moving up the ladder, or re-entering the workforce, is that they cannot imagine telling a completely different story about themselves than they have been telling for the last ten years.
Did you know that my resume can tell the story of me as a writer or me as an operations genius? I don’t like operations, but if I had to get a job in operations, I could write my resume to indicate that operations has been my focus for the last fifteen years. And I wouldn’t have any lies on my resume. I’d just frame the truth in a different way.
The Farmer learned this quickly, when I started writing about him. He was engaged to a mail-order bride, he was basically living at his parents, he was lost and sad and anxious.
When I wrote the firstfewstories about him, he got nervous. He told me, "I don't want people to get the wrong idea.” And then he dumped me.
But the truth is that all stories are the wrong idea. Because every summary of every part of your life could be a totally different summary as well. And be equally true.
We got back together, of course. And people ask me how the Farmer can cope with me writing everything about our life. They ask how he can cope with no privacy. But he has tons of privacy. He has his own story of our life that is true for him, and that is private for him. He doesn’t ever think I lie on my blog. He thinks I tell my story — in the words and the pictures.
So here is a five-step resume plan for you to take control of your story:
1. Figure out where you want to be in your career right now, this moment.
2. Look back on all of your life and pull out the tidbits of your life that somehow relate to what you want to be doing now.
3. Get rid of everything on your resume that does not relate to what you want to do now.
4. Make a story that explains the way you got from one moment to the next moment in your life where you were doing what you want to be doing now.
5. Once you can tell the story verbally, have a resume writer help you build a resume that tells that story in resume format in a compelling way.
The most important thing about a career is that it is a tool to create a vibrant future. Your career is a mutable, dynamic story that you control. If you cannot tell stories about yourself from multiple angles, then the single story you have on that paper controls the rest of your life. You deserve more than that.
A computer has become one of the most valuable household tools of our times. It’s truly amazing how much information and support you can glean from surfing through the web for the things you need. It doesn’t matter if you need help in identifying a medical condition, assistance in purchasing a new car, or a way to send the perfect gift, the Internet has provided us with a medium for doing so. Another area covered on the net is marital advice. Marriage experts, who know there are problems in every marriage, have made it easy for you to get the help you need. You will even find free online marriage advice that can set your marriage back on the right track.
There are problems in every marriage, because no two people can live in such close proximity and agree 100% of the time. Even if your friends and neighbors seem to have perfect unions, it’s only a front they put on for public viewing. Privately, they have their share of conflicts and may even be on the verge of divorce. Although there really is such a thing as a perfect marriage, it is all about compromises and positive energy that the couple has worked hard to achieve. An online marriage coach will be able to give you pointers so that you’ll be able to achieve the same harmony in your own relationship.
What is there about a marital coach that makes him the right person to guide you in taking the hard work out of maintaining your marriage? Although there are more answers to this question than one, the major reason is because he’s had similar problems in his own marriage and worked out the strategies to cope with them while building his relationship into something strong and lasting. He has firsthand knowledge of what he passes on to you, and you can feel confident that what worked for him will work for you, too.
It isn’t every website that offers free samples of their products prior to asking you to buy, but you can find free online marriage advice. You can request a free half-hour session in order to discover what this man knows and what insights he’ll be able to give you. No marriage is so perfect that there aren’t a few things that could be improved, so why not get a little advice and see what a marriage coach can do for you.
Taking into consideration that at the very least 50 percent of every marriages end in break up, it is no wonder that many families are on the lookout for help save marriage advice. Separation could be heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and costly in lots of ways. Life are significantly changed, if you have children, it would likely leave some very deep wounds.
But if your marriage is near to ending, it’s time to step back and consider what you can apply to show things around. Remember that you can’t wait for the lover to change or take constructive action. But the excellent news is that usually all it takes is one partner making some significant changes to save a marriage that seems unsalvageable.
For a few effective help save marriage advice, keep reading. These 4 tips could seem small or insignificant, but they should help when you do something:
* Do not criticize your spouse or protest about him/her or your marriage! This first piece of advice will help both you and your partner tremendously if you are enthusiastic to try and do it. Granted, it’s easier said than action, but griping and criticizing will only widen the rift within your marriage, and that is the last thing you should want if you want to save your marriage.
Whenever you find yourself saying whatever thing damaging or critical about she or he or your marriage, stop yourself instantly. This takes a conscious attempt, so you might want to monitor your thoughts and language. But as soon as you start doing it, you will likely observe just how often you interact in such a destructive deeds. After all, who desires to be in a relationship with another one who nags, criticizes, or complains? Cease and discontinue, and your spouse may start to warm up to you.
* The next piece of help save marriage advice is to target all the helpful aspects of your marriage. This will likely look extremely complicated in the beginning, when the whole thing seems to be leaving badly. But most certainly things have not for all time been bad (if so, then this may not be a marriage worth saving!).
There have been various things so as to drew you to your spouse and that you liked about your relationship when you initially got involved. Create a list of those and keep it someplace where you can refer to it frequently. It’s been said that whatever we give attention to expands in importance. Look at the positive and it’ll have a constructive effect on your relationship.
* Across the same vein as the next piece of help save marriage advice, look for ways you can genuinely reward and compliment your partner. Most of us extremely wish and want to feel cherished and valued. When relationships get very terrible, both parties often discontinue appreciating each other and instead find fault. Do the opposite (even when you have to really dig!). Don’t gush or go overboard, as which could encounter as insincere. But genuine, heartfelt appreciation and reward are great tools within your arsenal!
* Last of all, in terms of good marital advice, probably the greatest things you can apply is be patient and do not force your partner. Gently let him or her know that you want to try and do whatever you will need to create your marriage work. Allow it to be clear that you are open minded to discussion and working things out. If communication has come to a grinding halt, let your partner know that when he or she is ready to talk, you’re willing to really listen.
Granted, there are volumes of books written with all sorts of huge recommendation regarding how to save your marriage, but begin with these methods. This can show your partner that the marriage means the world to you and that you’re determined to make the mandatory differences to make it work!
What marriage advice can a divorce person possibly give? It would seem divorcees would have very little advice to hand out, since we have failed at our own marriages. However, we often learn more about ourselves in retrospect than we do at the present moment.
It takes time to step back from the hurt, pain, and disappointment of a broken marriage. At the beginning of a divorce, there is a lot of blame. But after the dust settles, the tears have dried, the ink on the divorce papers have made their indelible mark, there comes a time when we see more clearly and we understand more fully what part we may have played in the dissolution of our own marriage.
What have I learned from being divorced? It takes two to make a marriage. Not just two people living side by side, but two equally willing people, who are committed to keeping the relationship alive, fresh, living, vital, and ever evolving.
When either party becomes complacent in marriage, a slow creeping death ensues. Love and marriage requires diligence to make it successful. It’s not something that stays alive on its own. Like a garden, it has to be tended, watered, weeded, fertilized, and watched over.
Successful marriages take commitment, forgiveness, sacrifice, compromise, and above all maturity. We often marry without these qualities in our lives, or we come into a relationship without a clear understanding of the work involved to keep a marriage healthy. Acts of love, respect, honesty, communication, and partnership are extremely important, and it’s a juggling act to keep all of these actions in play throughout the seasons of married life. Marriage is an all-out effort, and the most intimate covenant relationship you’ll ever enter into with another human being. Our ever changing throw away, give-up society plays havoc on our commitment. We’re told if we don’t like it, replace it. It’s easier to walk away than to stay.
Many people ask the question: Should I get a divorce?
Statistics are alarming. The U.S. Census Bureau reports the following: The average age for a first divorce for males is 30.5 and females 29. The average age for a second divorce for males is 39.3 and females 37. The duration of first marriages that end in divorce is approximately 7 years, and the duration for second marriages is approximately 7 years. (Must be the 7-year itch!) Only 52% of all marriages make it to their 15th wedding anniversary, only 33% make it through to their 25th, and a slim 5% make it to their 50th. People who have divorced at least twice, have a 73% chance that their third marriage will fail too.
What’s wrong? Is it because divorce is so easy and commitment is so hard? As humans, we haven’t learned the basic skills of intelligent loving relationships that last. It’s obvious, because statistics show we bring our mistakes from marriage to marriage, and couples find the pain of staying and working things out greater than the pain they may have to face in a divorce.
The decision to divorce should never be left as the last decision to be made in any marriage relationship. It’s obvious as humans we’re missing it somewhere after the rings go on our fingers. Our love is transient, convenient, and self enhancing. We have lost the skills to stay married, because we never learned them to begin with before we tied the knot. We married in the height of love and passion, but didn’t consider the consequences or cost of what it takes to make love last.
Staying married is a decision we need to make at the beginning of the relationship that we will do absolutely everything in our power to make it work, whether it takes swallowing our pride, getting counseling, reading books, going to seminars, or forgiving daily the offenses that could pile up into ugly mountains. We need to make the effort to keep our marriages alive and not let them stagnate into divorce court. If you’re at the breaking point now, it’s not too late to reassess your vows and make that decision with your mate, if they are willing.
I’m reminded of a movie entitled Laws of Attraction staring Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan that was released in 2004. They were both divorce lawyers who fell in love. One statement that stood out in that movie was the passion people showed in the divorce court. The character played by Pierce Brosnan asked the question, “Where was that passion in saving the marriage?”
Things I Learned From My Divorce
Don’t try to change each other. You fell in love for a reason with that person. Why change them?
Communicate, communicate, communicate. Don’t keep stuff bottled up.
Speak the truth in love, not anger.
Don’t lie to one another….ever.
Forgive and forget, forget, forget.
Keep romance alive at all costs.
Touch, hug, and kiss often.
It’s not always about the sex.
If you’re Christians, pray together ALWAYS and about EVERYTHING. If you’re not, try it.
Be patient with one another.
Focus on the good in each of you.
Words can heal or kill a relationship. Watch what you say. A harsh hurtful word is like a nail. You might be able to pull it out and say your sorry, but you’ll still leave a hole where it’s been and scar a heart.
If things get hard, go to marriage counseling, read a book, talk to your pastor, attend a seminar. Be proactive to preserve your marriage. Don’t be too proud to get help. Pride comes before failure.
Rule your money or it will rule you and your marriage.
Don’t make big decisions alone about anything – make them together.
Marriage is like a checkbook. You both need to make deposits into the relationship. If you keep writing checks and taking from one another and never giving, your marriage checkbook becomes overdrawn – the late fees are relationship killers.
Remember the things you are thankful for in each other. Tell each other — tell God.
Clean up, dress up, look good, and have a date once in a while.
Don’t take each other for granted.
In summary, marriage is a gift, take care of it, and don’t lose it. It’s irreplaceable. Once lost, it may never be replaced or given again. Take it from someone who knows.
Extreme Male Enhancement Funny Marriage Advice To Make Your Marriage Stronger
The penis is capable of being made bigger most guys just don’t know how to do it. And how would they? There is so much disinformation out here put out mainly by the evil penis pill industry. They just want you to buy their scam products. I did and I got ripped off. I want to tell you about the only way to make your penis both longer and thicker for life. All you need are your own two hands and a burning desire to make your penis an impressive size. I’ll tell you how to do it in this article.
Are you happy with your penis size? Most men are not. If you want to enlarge your penis size permanently and see huge gains – read on.. Just 6 minutes per day for a few short weeks will make your penis much longer thicker and healthier and give you permanent gains which you can enjoy for the rest of your life!
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Male enhancement surgery is an important male enhancement option available today. This treatment generally involves penile implant surgery and penis male enlargement surgery (or phalloplasty).
This article explains how I made my penis bigger by 3 inches in length and 1 inch in girth using easy penis growth techniques that you can duplicate with great success. Don’t settle for an average or below average penis size; start building a long thick impressive penis today!
You can make your penis bigger quickly and permanently using very simple techniques. Even if you are small like I started out you can see very significant results. I went from only 5.5 inches long and 5 inches around to over 8 inches long and exactly 6 inches around. Here are the answers to some commonly asked questions about enlarging your erect penis quickly and permanently.
Feeling a little small-sized in your manhood department? With a little bit of stretching and stroking of your male organ using nothing but your hands you can easily grow your penis thicker – permanently!
Definitely the answer is NO. You should never fake your orgasm. I understand that work+chores+kids= total physical weariness. You just want to crawl into bed and re-energize. But when your partner starts to grope you and begins to act like an animal in heat then that’s where the dilemma comes in.
Society today tells us that ”bigger is better” but what size do you need to be to be considered as big? The average erect penis size is between 6 to 7 inches in length so really anything above 7” is considered above average and generally 8” is seen as the perfect penis size. Remember that having a penis that is too large can actually cause more pain than pleasure to a lot of women so 8” is the ideal size.
On the contrary, they do make the case that sex isn’t just a physical act. Emotions always come into play. But in both the movies, neither of the women wanted to be in a committed relationship. The appeal wasn’t that they gave sex first. The appeal was that they had the whole “independent” thing going for them. The “I don’t need a man to be happy but I like sex,” appeal.
Ladies, if you want only sex and nothing else, that’s one thing. But most women crave the emotional, romance thing too.
Ladies, if your goal is to have a one night stand and you never want to see this guy again, and you never want him to build respect for you (a prerequisite of love), then don’t withhold sex.
But ladies, if your goal is to gain a man’s respect, admiration, adoration, love… if your goal is to be in a committed relationship or even marriage, holding off on sex will help you get there.
There’s something about having sex too early that kills relationship longevity or even stops relationships from being created.
I heard this quote from a fitness magazine and think it applies even to sex!
“Don’t trade what you want most for what you want at this moment”
or… don’t trade what you want most (real love, commitment, a man who loves and respects you) for what you want at this moment (to feel pleasure, to feel desirable and sexy).
Men are hard-wired to believe that the best things in life are worth the wait.
You give it to him too soon? He subconsciously starts thinking If there is no waiting time, it must mean this isn’t the best. I’ll hold out for something (someone) else better.
Take it from this girl’s simple but profound poem:
I met him. I liked him.
I liked him. I loved him.
I loved him. I let him.
I let him. I lost him.
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